


How I Met Your Daughter

by SparklingSoul



Series: Of Balconies and Zombies [3]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Lots of awkwardness, and fluff, and tension, behrad being behrad, meet the parents fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:35:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24947755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparklingSoul/pseuds/SparklingSoul
Summary: | John can see the genuine plea in her eyes and knows he could never refuse her. "If it means that much to you, then yes, we can have dinner with your parents." |Zari asks John to meet her parents and chaos ensues.
Relationships: John Constantine/Zari Tomaz | Zari Tarazi
Series: Of Balconies and Zombies [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1776268
Comments: 9
Kudos: 75





	How I Met Your Daughter

**Author's Note:**

> A while back I was sort of nominated to write this in our HellStar server so...here ya go, you’re welcome lol.
> 
> For Des bc she was a BIG help with this, doing some of the dirty work (research) and giving me some dialogue snippets. Even though I haven’t been very active lately I still love and appreciate you💗
> 
> Also, special thanks to my beta Kath (greenleaf13579) bc my fics seriously would not be as good without her to clean them up.

* * *

_  
“When you really care about someone, their happiness matters more than yours.” _

_ – via curiano.com _

* * *

  
  
  


"No."

"Oh, come on, John. Please?"

"Not 'appening, love."

Zari closes her eyes and inhales deeply. "Okay," she says quietly to herself before opening her eyes again to level her gaze at the current problem.

"John." Zari's tone turns deadly, and she crosses her arms to further the intimidation effect. 

He slowly looks up at her from where he's sitting, almost fearful. He knows that look a little too well for his liking. She means business.

"If you're serious about this, about us, then you'll suck it up and do this for me. You know I'd do the same for you, or whatever the equivalent would be for you."

"Yeah, I know," he admits reluctantly. Despite her stern tone at the moment, John can see the genuine plea in her eyes and knows he could never refuse her. "If it means that much to you, then yes, we can have dinner with your parents."

Zari's eyes light up as a wave of relief washes over her. She rushes over to sit sideways across his lap and fling her arms around him. "Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"Alright, already, calm down." He feigns annoyance. "But this is gonna be a one time thing, got it?" he clarifies in an attempt to salvage what pride he has left.

"Of course." Zari nods, knowing it's most likely not going to be a one time thing.

"Good," he says, though he still looks miserable.

Zari's smile turns sly, bringing one of her arms from behind his neck to run her fingers through his sandy blond hair. "You know, if you're well behaved I just might reward you later." Her sultry eyes deliberately glance downwards as she bites her lower lip, before bringing her gaze back to meet John's.

A teasing grin spreads across his face, "You're a sneaky little lass, you know that?"

She smiles innocently. "I know."

* * *

John adjusts the tie around his collar as he stands next to Zari on her parents’ front steps. He's uncomfortable, and not just emotionally; his tie is far more snug than how he's used to wearing it, and Zari had insisted on helping him (somewhat) comb his messy hair. 

"Presentation is key," and "first impressions are everything," are some of the phrases Zari had quoted while they were getting ready.

To be honest, he doesn't give a rat's ass what her or anyone else's parents think of him. In fact, he's used to disapproval from others. But this is Zari, and he isn't sure why, but he'd do almost anything to make her happy.

"Now remember, don't mention the air totem or Behrad dying, or–"

"Zari!" he cuts her off since she'd gone over this list many times before. "Relax, sweetheart. Have some faith in me, yeah? It'll be good." The statement was intended to reassure himself as well as Zari.

He smiles at her, taking her hand in his and giving it a squeeze.

She smiles back appreciatively.

The door opens, startling Zari and John from their little moment.

"Oh, my beautiful daughter!" Zari's mother, Nasreen, exclaims. 

"Come in, come in," she invites, pulling Zari into a warm embrace.

"It's good to see you, Maman!”

"My darling daughter," the man John assumes to be Zari's father, David, appears, taking a turn hugging her.

"Hello, Baba,” Zari greets before pulling away. 

She clears her throat. "Maman, Baba, I want you to meet someone." 

"This," she places a hand on John's shoulder, "is my boyfriend, John Constantine."

"Nice to meet ya," he manages to give a polite smile as he offers his hand to Zari's father.

He eyes John warily and grips his hand rather firmly. John has to bite his tongue to keep from asking him if he’s trying to break his fucking hand.

"Oh, you're British then?" Zari's mother asks, surprised by his accent.

"I am. Born and raised in Liverpool."

"I take it you're not Muslim then?" Mr. Tarazi intrudes.

John quickly glances to Zari and back. "Uhh no, I'm not. I'm not really anything, to be honest."

A sort of disappointed grunt is the only reply he gets.

"Well!" Mrs. Tarazi claps her hands, eager to change the subject to cease the growth of anymore tension. "Shall we sit down? Dinner's on the table."

"Yes, I'm starving," Zari eagerly agrees.

She grabs John’s hand and drags him behind her, away from her father.

* * *

"This looks great," John says, unrolling his cloth napkin and picking up his fork.

Zari clears her throat pointedly, getting John's attention. She looks at him as if to say, "Watch and learn" before neatly placing her napkin on her lap, smoothing it out.

John wrinkles his nose at her in annoyance, but follows her actions.

"So," Nasreen starts, "how did you two meet?"

Luckily, they had gone over this beforehand, so Zari was prepared for the question.

"Well, it was during my Bollywood musical project and John was in charge of special effects," Zari answers.

"Oooh, special effects! That sounds exciting," her mother remarks.

John jumps in, "Yeah, it's fun. It's like I'm adding the magic that brings it all together, you know? Especially for a musical.”

“Sounds kind of gay to me,” David mutters.

Zari’s eyes flash to John, equally appalled by her father’s remark and afraid of John’s reaction.

“I don’t think so at all. But even if it was, there’s nothing wrong with that.” John's forced smile is sickeningly sweet, and his eyes are narrowed.

David narrows his eyes right back at John. “I think there is. Homosexuality is evil. It’s Haram.”

John liked to think that he’s rather respectful of other people’s beliefs, but he’s tempted to tell this man how much he loves dick just out of spite. And because it’s true.

"Hey, guys!" Everyone turns to see Behrad walk in the room. "Sorry I'm late, you know how it is."

Zari doesn’t think she’s ever been so grateful for her brother and his awful timing than she is right now.

"Ah, my son!" Nasreen beams.

"Maman." Behrad greets her with a kiss on the cheek. "Baba." He throws his father a peace sign.

"Hey, sis." He casually strolls over to Zari and her guest. He's used to Zari dragging along someone from her posse to family dinners. Usually her best friend/secretary or her (now ex) boyfriend S'more Money. 

He always thought of it as her way of having something from her world to ground herself to. A safety net, if you will, so she didn’t feel as naked and exposed as Zari Before Fame. Not that he’d ever tell her that.

In moving closer to Zari, Behrad now has a good look at their guest's face, and is surprised to see familiar threatening eyes and sandy blond hair.

"Oh! John–holy shit. This is weird. Never thought I'd see you here, having dinner with my parents. But here we are," he laughs.

John tries to glare him into silence, but he's already said too much and still doesn’t get it.

“Don’t worry, it’s a good weird,” he assures him.

“You two know each other?" David asks.

A gust of panic blows through the trio of Legends before Behrad blurts out the only excuse he can think of: "He's one of my professors, actually. At school. Yeah.”

He knows he used the same cover for Nate, but nonetheless, Behrad appears proud of himself for acting so quickly. Colleges have more than one professor, right?

Nasreen exchanges a curious look with her husband before turning to her daughter. "Zari, I thought you said you'd met John during your Bollywood project?”

"That's a pretty big coincidence," David remarks.

"Well," Zari jumps in, "that's how we got to know each other. We actually met when I visited Behrad's school for Sibling Day and he introduced us. I found out he was into special effects and offered him the job. Right, John?"

John clears his throat, which had suddenly gone dry. "Uh, right. It might've been a wee bit awkward to start off saying I'm one of Behrad's professors, so we left that part out."

"I can understand that," Nasreen reassures.

Behrad takes a seat next to his mother, across from Zari, and starts helping himself to the food. "Nothing says awkward like, 'hey, this is my boyfriend who also happens to be my brother's professor, no biggie,' am I right?"

They all laugh, slightly uncomfortable.

"We're so pleased that Behrad is attending business school. We've already met Professor Heywood, do you know him well?"

John shoots a questioning glance at Behrad, who suddenly is very interested in carefully buttering his roll. "Yeah, you could say that." He hopes the conversation will turn away from the topic of his career as a professor. He knows almost nothing about business. Or being professional, for that matter.

David turns his attention to John. "I expect my son is at the top of his class, John? What do you think is his strong suit so far? In the business world?”

John stops mid chew, glancing to Zari and then Behrad. He takes a sip of water, managing to down his food.

"Ah, well. Behrad definitely is one of my best students. As for your question, your son's ability to remain calm and negotiate impresses me. It should be an advantage in making business...deals."

David looks like he's about to ask another question when Behrad jumps in. "Yeah, me and prof Constantine are pretty tight. But we don't wanna drag the conversation with  _ school _ ." He stresses the word like a fourth grader during summer break. "Let me tell you about this sick new trailer I just saw for the next season of "It Takes Two to Mango..."

Zari and John exchange a look of relief as her parents begrudgingly listen to Behrad's rant. 

The rest of the night goes somewhat the same, with John and Behrad both attempting to preserve their cover stories by changing the subject to whatever they can think of when it comes back to business.

* * *

  
  


"–and this kid just continued to blare his awful, trashy music as if he didn't give a damn about anyone else around him." David finishes telling a story, complaining about a teenager he encountered at the mall recently.

"Teenagers these days, so disrespectful," Nasreen adds. "And their music, ugh! Can you believe what they're calling art now?"

"Mm, yeah," John agrees, now comfortable enough to make casual conversation. "Let me tell ya, the 80's was where it was at. The prime of good music. Those were the days."

Nasreen and David stare at him in confusion.

"The 1980's? What do you know about that? That’s even before my time,” David questions.

John freezes. 

Zari chokes on a bite of her salad.

Behrad hides in his glass of water that he only picked up for a sip, but there's no way he's putting it down now.

_ Where's the mind flasher when you need it?  _ John thinks.

"Uhh...well. See, I'm also a history professor? More of an adjunct” –he hopes that’s the right word– “really. The 1980s are my favorite decade to study."

By now, Zari has recovered enough to help him out. "Oh, yes. He goes on and on about it, it's like he's practically lived it."

John catches her eye and smiles to silently thank her for the nice save.

Now that it's safe, Behrad finally puts down his glass. It's empty.

"Welp." he stands up and fake stretches, having had enough anxiety attacks for one day. "I think I'm gonna head out. Thanks for dinner."

He kisses his mother goodbye and mock salutes his father. "Later, Pops."

He walks past Zari to squeeze her shoulder and wink at John. "See ya in class, Prof."

John forces a smile, but his eyes say 'murder'.

They watch Behrad make his way out, most likely to smoke some weed.

_ Maybe I'll join him, _ Zari and John think at the same time.

"You know, we really should get going as well. I have a photoshoot in the morning." Zari takes the opportunity to escape, and John has to keep from sighing in relief.

"Oh, of course, it is getting late. We'll walk you two out," her mother offers.

Then, Zari's father utters the words that strike pure fear into the heart of the world's greatest sorcerer that ever lived: "You two go on ahead. John, a word?"

John immediately looks to Zari and tries to say a final goodbye with one facial expression. 

He turns to David. "Yeah, sure."

Once Nasreen and Zari walk away, David places his hand on John's shoulder. "Right this way," he says, leading him into an adjoining family room where John swears he's gonna be killed.

They stop in front of a fancy, but homey fireplace. On the mantle and on the wall above is an array of photographs. 

Various moments of the Tarazi children throughout the years are displayed, from baby pictures to high school graduations to Zari's recent photoshoots. Most of the pictures are of Behrad, obviously the favorite child, but nonetheless the collection shows David and Nasreen's love and pride for both of their children.

John is silent, amazed at the love for their children. He hardly has any photos of himself or his sister as children. With his mother dying in childbirth and his father hating him for it, there wasn't much love left in their family. There weren’t many happy moments to be captured in photographs.

David picks up a framed picture off of the mantle. It's not one of the biggest, but from the way he gently handles it, John can tell it's worth a lot to him.

"This," David begins, smiling at the photo as if he's seeing more than what's shown, "is my favorite picture of Zari."

He hands it to John, who ever so carefully holds it in his own hands. In the photo, young Zari is holding a gray kitten up to her face and is smiling so wide her eyes are pinched shut. The sight makes John smile, too.

"She was just six years old," her father continues, "and had found this little kitten while we were on vacation. Up until that point, Nasreen had had a very strict 'no pets' rule, which I had enforced. But when Zari ran up to me holding that cat, she was so excited and happy that I just couldn't say no."

David gently took the photo back to return it to its rightful place on the fireplace mantle. They continue to stare at the picture.

"It was then that I realized that I love my daughter so much I could never say no to something that makes her happy," he said, his voice suddenly thick.

He clears his throat before turning to John, looking him right in the eye. "I still love my daughter that much. And just from tonight I can tell she loves you."

John swallows hard.

"You make her happy. Genuinely happy, not all this materialistic stuff she's been trying to find happiness in." He takes a deep breath. "So, while you might not be the kind of man I would've picked out for Zari, I could never disapprove of someone who makes her so happy." He smiles at John.

John doesn't know what to say. He'd imagined various scenarios but he never expected this. 

He can only nod in response and manage a "Thank you."

"Just take good care of her. You hurt her, I hurt you," he says, and John knows he's more than serious. 

David leaves to meet up with his wife and daughter, and John follows after a moment to take everything in.

* * *

"Bye, Baba." Zari hugs him.

Nasreen surprises John by pulling him into a quick embrace. "Wonderful to meet you, John. Come again soon."

"Thank you for having me, ma'am." He nods at David, "Sir."

"Alright, bye already." Zari blows her parents a kiss before her and John step out.

The door shuts behind them, and they look at one another.

"Well. You survived," Zari remarks.

"Barely."

"Oh, come on," Zari takes his arm, walking him down the steps, "it wasn't that bad."

"No, I guess not," he admits.

"Thank you for doing this, really," she looks at him gratefully, "it means a lot." 

John looks away at the tenderness in her voice, but she sees him smile.

Zari changes back to a teasing tone, "And hey, it's over now, right?"

"I guess.. I'm still thinking about how I'm older than your parents though. Don't know how I feel about that."

Zari rolls her eyes, laughing. "Only chronologically, according to the timeline. Not physically. Time traveling works that way." 

She looks over and realizes that he's actually a bit disturbed by the fact. "Please don't have an existential crisis over this. You're thirty-eight."

"You're mum was born in 1995."

"John, you are  _ thirty-eight _ ."

"Bloody hell." He suddenly goes pale. "I could be your grandfather."

"John, you are  _ four years older than me." _

“Yeah, in the temporal zone. This is 2046, which means–“

“Then let’s go back to the temporal zone, grandpa.” Zari cuts him off and opens a portal to the Waverider. 

“If I remember, I promised you a reward, which I think you’ve earned.” She turns back to John just as she steps into the ship. “That is, uh, if you think your heart can take it.”

A familiar mischievous glint shines in his eyes as a slow grin spreads across his face. “I suddenly feel much younger.”

He nearly runs after her.

  
  



End file.
